It's Far Past the Time

It’s taken far too long

And consumed almost all of my soul

To embrace the reality of it all.

It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done to

Step out of denial

And into the light of truth

To tell myself in the mirror

“You must let go.

He does not want you.

The words spoken

Were only words

The love that was given

Is not returned.”

For more days than

I care to admit

I let myself

Believe that I could change his heart

That I could make him see

That we were each other's destiny.

But his eyes are closed

And he chooses not to see

He has chosen his life

And it doesn’t include me.

But why should that hurt the most?

More than being only a dirty little secret?

More than being used when it is convenient?

More than being told I mean the world,

Only to be shown that I’m not worth even one hour.

Why does the pain of letting go

And doing what’s best

Hurt more than letting myself

Be cut and cheapened?

So it is time to let go,

Of dreams that are fading

Of hopes that lifted me high.

Of a certainty that shakes my beliefs to their core.

For what I knew, is no more.

And I'm left to doubt

My own heart

that betrayed me far more deeply

Than any other soul has done.

Speak in Tongues

Your essence
envelops

I am fluent in
your language
as I
watch
an outsider in another place
I can grasp what it must be

I have no use for ritual -
the deed has already been done

The irony is
That you just don't get it
no matter how much
I writhe

You may have never considered it
(pay it no mind)
yet - you must know
How do you let it go on?
Forget about the sing-song facade
Just see that this is what really matters

my religion is this:
this untimely, unrewarding
circumstance
At another time, in a different place
it would have offered consolation
hope, strength
It could have been the epitome of love

on a whim I fled
led by fright and fear
and I know it was
the wrong way to go

What if.... (7/6/1997 - for Jonathan)

How still the night
A mere
    BLINK
and the moment has passed

and as I shivered in the darkness
Warmth - in a tight embrace
It could have
(I should have let it)
been. There is no -

doubt
How easily it WOULD have
happened

Only a
Windscreen

standing between

Wanting only for a knife to
slice the nearly tangible tension in two

so that both parts would join

Music - that night
and indelibly in my memory for ever

it created the beast (come here)
of all that might have been discovered (touch me)
but i resisted the demon within (kiss me)
to be taken
and given to another (NOW)

but that was my only chance

Time in Passing

                      when came the time to talk;
of an open window twilight
and memory-sprinkled laughter
   
                when came the melody disenchanting;

the sun faded away
and the sky was painted grey

       when they spoke the word of wonder;

i took pause to note
the way they shuddered
at the thought of letting go

and

     when silence abounded, in a timeless collective of faith

                     with sweet, friendly half-forgotten glances
                     shivering, in the cold of their own remorse
                     running alongside the getaway car
                     until they panicked no more

the mist swirling 'round my feet
the earth's rotation came to a halt

          when came the dawn to the world aslumber

revelation of time
a figure of speech
implications of their values

loss of their sense of identity
as the moments tick away
and they marvel
at what has been learned
and what is yet to come

Memory

What makes you so certain my mistake was unintentional?
Are you so confident that I have that much  control?

Often in the distance, I envision the happily-ever-after
I reach out to it
And watch it fade from my grasp

Remember -

When you were dancing
A dance suited for the gods
And your laughter a song
how could it be wrong?
in your face I saw a tender fear
a sorrow I could not cheer

you never did mean what you said
your absence from my life renders me dead
Return to that which you know
reclaim your love
and watch it grow

can you justify your response?

Where do the loose ends meet?

Oh, and about the things you never really said...
never really meant
never really considered...

live carefree among your dreams
never try to speak
above the screams
do not give up when
you feel you're through
there is nothing you cannot do

I await.
My thoughts are now scattered,
but i have not lost sight of the past
we can make it all okay
even without a guide

if

do you remember?

Open

once there was a choice
to make heard my own voice

look over there, it's a shadow of reality
in a field resplendent in dreams
an invitation to let go
a meadow of fragrant who cares

act out of convictions
surrender the game
be a willing victim of life

it was a lovely encounter
a testimony to what could be
a freshness before unknown

relax!

it will all be

and then when the day was done
you couldn't help but let
your heart skip a beat

practice what you preach
live what you learn
say it is so if it's what you know
tempt not youth
but take advantage

of your chance to show
to manifest

to grow 

Connection

I've felt an intimate connection to
the universal heartbeat
the one that beats within each of us.
There is but one beat, and
although each heart beats at its own
frequency,
The create the harmony that is the music in my soul

It is at this level that we are open,
and can hope
to see into another's soul

I've longed for the intensity of staring
into another's soul, only to see
my own staring back at me.
In this moment, I will be
not a human being having a spiritual existence
but a spiritual being
having a human existence.

I am opening up to the notion
That I have never been open before.
That my experience is limited
by what I have believed I cannot be.