Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Sadness
Today is a sad day. Been driving me nuts all day. I can't figure out why. I know in my mind that this is the SAD, but my over-analytical side can't accept that I just AM sad. So I keep searching (to no avail) for a reason, some underlying cause. Alas, there is none. I am just sad.
Saturday, December 13, 2008
Holidaze, Part 2
So, my baking party was a flop. It snowed, so no one except Jo came. Figures - no snow all year then it has to dump today. Now I have a TON of baking supplies, and not enough time or hands to bake it all! It was nice though, - Tim and Julian decorated a gingerbread house and everyone took turns pressing the Christmas trees and decorating them. I think that is all I will get baked today - kind of lost the enthusiasm after getting everything ready this morning and then having it flop. Darn weather! I need to get out of this stupid state. Had a lot of fun with Jo - I am very thankful to her this week for she has been attuned to my doldrums and has helped me feel a LOT better this week. We had some laughs (and drinks!) for a few hours, and I feel happy now. I think I can deal with Dayn's family stuff the rest of this weekend now.
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Holidaze
First, a rant:
So, in my family we draw names to decide for whom we each are to buy a Christmas gift.
I got my brother, difficult. So I'm looking at sports paraphernalia for the Chicago Bears, his favorite football team, and come across an autographed football. The football, plain. The signature, Mike Ditka. I place the first and only bet in the auction with less than 15 minutes to close. I bid much higher than our dollar limit, but it seemed reasonable. I am watching the auction carefully and with one minute and twenty three seconds until it ends, I am outbid. I totally lost in and panicked. What would I get him if not this? I was already above the limit, so why shouldn't I bid higher? This is dumb, don't do it. But, the competitor in me won and I kept bidding and bidding until I won - at $23.00 higher than my original bid.
What a dumb ass! I mean, I love my brother, but he is spoiled enough. And he hurt my feelings recently. And what a dumb ass I am! I hope he likes it, anyway.
Second:
I do not like winter, and surely anyone reading this knows that. I really do not like the cold, nor the smog and dirty haze enveloping the city. I hate how everything looks lifeless and dead. It brings me down. I am trying really hard right now to stay above the pull, but it's not fun. I need to find time to take care of myself, of those things that no one else can really do except me, but I am overwhelmed by other demands on my time, and by the dang winter blues. I wish I could write about it, but alas, the writer's block seems neverending.
So, in my family we draw names to decide for whom we each are to buy a Christmas gift.
I got my brother, difficult. So I'm looking at sports paraphernalia for the Chicago Bears, his favorite football team, and come across an autographed football. The football, plain. The signature, Mike Ditka. I place the first and only bet in the auction with less than 15 minutes to close. I bid much higher than our dollar limit, but it seemed reasonable. I am watching the auction carefully and with one minute and twenty three seconds until it ends, I am outbid. I totally lost in and panicked. What would I get him if not this? I was already above the limit, so why shouldn't I bid higher? This is dumb, don't do it. But, the competitor in me won and I kept bidding and bidding until I won - at $23.00 higher than my original bid.
What a dumb ass! I mean, I love my brother, but he is spoiled enough. And he hurt my feelings recently. And what a dumb ass I am! I hope he likes it, anyway.
Second:
I do not like winter, and surely anyone reading this knows that. I really do not like the cold, nor the smog and dirty haze enveloping the city. I hate how everything looks lifeless and dead. It brings me down. I am trying really hard right now to stay above the pull, but it's not fun. I need to find time to take care of myself, of those things that no one else can really do except me, but I am overwhelmed by other demands on my time, and by the dang winter blues. I wish I could write about it, but alas, the writer's block seems neverending.
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