Hi, I'd like to introduce myself....

Hi! I'm Joan. Many of you think you know me, but there is a tiny mistake in that. The fact is, I haven't been me for a really, really long time. I have been so consumed by the negativity that surrounded me that I haven't been this me in years. Oh sure, I won't seem like a total stranger next time you see me, but if you spend some time with me, you may notice a few things different. You may see someone who is strong, independent and who FEELS that way, too. Someone who is fun and funny, and more aware of the good in life than the bad.

Stress levels: low. Sure, I'm still a single mom, working full time and going to school. My new apartment is still not unpacked. Come fall semester, I will be only one credit hour shy of full time student status. I have lost a lot this year, but those losses were only things that were separating myself from who I am. I have a major lack of child care providers, so I am lacking in adult stimulation, but it also may help me get over this damn social anxiety I have been struggling with. Someone with whom I have connections on a personal level contacted me today asking that we be friends, and that didn't petrify me! I am financially challenged - it costs a lot of money to raise a child on your own with no support. But who cares? I have a home that I enjoy living in, and many comforts.

Self-confidence: still waivering, but not bottom of the barrel. I need to lose weight, and it is so much more expensive to eat healthy than to buy cheap, processed carbohydrates in a box. But I am pretty healthy overall. Met my new doctor today and love her! She is my same age - so she really related to what I am going through and listened to what I had to tell her. I pulled out my scale, and am going to start tracking my weight so I am having some accountability for my eating choices. I don't live by the scale but when you have as much weight to lose as I do, pounds are motivational. I am not ugly, and 40 is going to be my new 20.

Goals: ugh. Love-hate relationship with goals. I have a hard time setting short term goals, and long term goals can be unfulfilling as they are so far away. But I'm setting a couple of goals: drink 64 oz. of water a day, read the "crack the fat-loss code" book I bought, get A's in my two classes this semester, make some new friends, and hang out with some old ones. I can do it.

Life: I love life. It is draining being around people who don't. And I have been around so many people who are miserable for so many years. It is amazing how quickly my whole outlook on life changed once I got the toxic people out of my life. I am choosing love. I want to celebrate every day. I want to express gratitude. I want personal growth. I have so much to live for!

Love: I got the best kid that ever lived anywhere in any time. He is amazing. I have a lot of people who choose to love me, not because our DNA is similar, but because they want to. What can compare to that? As far as romance, I think my failed marriage taught me that although I know I deserve someone amazing, I have a bad habit of making excuses for people so that they don't give me what I need. My standards are pretty high at this point. I won't settle again. But I'm more healthy about relationships than I was before I got married, so that is pretty awesome. I choose to make love the driving force behind everything I do. I chose to love, and I choose to be loved. No one has to love me. But if you don't, please get out of the way, or you will be knocked down. I am, for the first time in so long I can't remember, ME. The me I used to be. The me that makes people want to be around and have fun. I like it.

Thanks to all who loved me even when I wasn't feeling myself. I owe this happiness to your love and patience. And I can't wait to spend time with you and see how ya like me now!!!